I'm linking up with Jennifer for Thankful Thursday! There is always so much to be thankful for, and I think I say that every week. But it's true! This week, my thankful post is going to be more of a short testimony, if that's okay.
A little backstory: I've been fighting off some post-partum depression since Zoey was born. She was a surprise baby, and it's been a little wild having another little one, along with two grandchildren close in age to her. Trying to juggle big kids and little kids is not easy, and I've been struggling more than I'd like to admit. I've been reading my Bible more lately, but my prayer life has been suffering - almost nonexistent. I think this has really enhanced my depression and anxiety.
So - Saturday, my sister and I went to a woman's conference at a church in town. I saw the advertisement for it on Wednesday and asked Ashlie if she wanted to go with me. We've never been to one before, so it was something new for us. My mom came as well, and we all sat together.
The last speaker of the day spoke on prayer - which is exactly what I needed to hear, and I knew it - but something she said stuck out at me for some reason. It wasn't that it was so incredibly insightful, but it was more of a visual that took root in my mind. I doodled in my notebook while she was talking. She likened prayer to a door - the door between us and God's presence.
I went home and didn't think much about it. That evening as I was preparing our children's church lesson, I sort of smiled when I saw that it was on prayer, too. And then the craft idea was to make a prayer door! I didn’t make any big connections then, just thought it was a little coincidence.
Sunday morning, when I got to church and settled into my Sunday School room, I picked up the bulletin that was left on my table, and there was a picture of a door with the words, "I am the door." I stared at it for a few seconds, realizing that God was trying to teach me something. I spoke to my husband about it on the way home from church, in sort of a "isn't this crazy?" kind of way. I told him that I needed to find out exactly what God was saying to me.
Monday morning, I opened my Bible to the next passage in my daily reading - Luke 13 - and this is the first thing I read:
The Narrow Door
22 Jesus went through the towns and villages, teaching as he went, always pressing on toward Jerusalem. 23 Someone asked him, “Lord, will only a few be saved?”
He replied, 24 “Work hard to enter the narrow door to God’s Kingdom, for many will try to enter but will fail. 25 When the master of the house has locked the door, it will be too late. You will stand outside knocking and pleading, ‘Lord, open the door for us!’ But he will reply, ‘I don’t know you or where you come from.’ 26 Then you will say, ‘But we ate and drank with you, and you taught in our streets.’ 27 And he will reply, ‘I tell you, I don’t know you or where you come from. Get away from me, all you who do evil.’
Immediately I realized what God was telling me. I was neglecting the relationship part of my salvation and focusing more on the service part. I was teaching Sunday School, directing Team Kid on Wednesdays, VBS director, children's church director...I was doing all the things, and for the right reasons, but I wasn't taking the time to pray, to listen, to grow in fellowship with God.
Knowing God is more important than anything else. Not just knowing who He is but knowing Him. And I have been ignoring that for a while now. Being busy serving, decorating the tables at church, planning lessons, organizing events - all of these things are good. But knowing God - that is even better. I'm reminded of the story of Mary and Martha. Martha was cooking and cleaning and hosting a group in her home - all good things. Mary was at the feet of Jesus, soaking in all Jesus had to offer - the better thing, the best thing.
I went to the living room and got on my knees and repented. I was flooded with a feeling of peace, and I have been making the conscious effort to talk to God more, to spend more time in prayer, to focus on that relationship, and I feel so much happier, lighter, and freer. God still speaks to us and shows us things if we are willing to pay attention.
That little testimony is why I'm thankful today!
Thank you for sharing this! It is a wonderful story and reminder that God is ALWAYS working in our lives, is not absent in the day to day, and finds ways to speak to us. The ¨door¨ symbols that you encountered are surely from the Lord. I hope that your anxiety/ depression stays abated and I´m sorry to hear that you went through that (though I know it´s fairly common). You seem like an absolute ROCK STAR to me with your big family, all the commitments/ activities your kids are in, your volunteer work, living on a farm and having lots of responsibilities with that, etc.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Being busy is my way of coping with the depression, but I feel so much better this week. I've no doubt that God sent me the door symbols this weekend, and I'm so thankful that He did!
DeleteMegan, this is such an amazing testimony! How sweet of the Lord to use His words to speak to your heart this week, and exactly what you needed to hear? I'm so glad you, your sister, and mom went to that conference! What a refreshing weekend it was for you. It's a great reminder to us, these beautiful words that you shared today, and it's something we can all be guilty of doing: focusing on the service and not the relationship. Though both are important, the service is canceled out if the relationship isn't right, and it makes our salvation more works based than faith based.
ReplyDeleteI know I have done something similar so many times. I am so glad that in the midst of all this, that you've felt more of God's peace this week. I know so many friends who battled with post-partum depression! It's good to recognize it for what it is, but I also pray this was the first step in you coming out of that. As I like to say, I never like to give Satan too much credit, but we often don't give Him enough. He loves it when we're busy and distracted; it's when he thrives! I am talking to myself here, as well.
Thank you so much for sharing! Like Maria said, and that I agree with, your life and all that you do is amazing. You're doing a great job, my friend. I'm so glad we found each other here!
Thank you for such a sweet comment and such encouragement! I feel like I’m finally coming out of the PPD. I realize it was made worse by my lack of relationship/fellowship with the Father. I am so thankful He has shown Himself to me in such a clear way! I’ll never look at a picture of a door in the same way again.
DeleteWonderful testimony about prayer and also about the things God can teach us when we're looking for it. Visiting from Crazy Little Love Birds link party.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Yes, I’d like to think that God is always teaching me something! And that I’m a willing learner.
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